Wednesday, December 31, 2008

.Vertigo.

I heard his footsteps ungracefully approaching. Storming through our fields of doubt and into a place where I thought I was safe.
What are you doing here?
I asked, trembling as the wind blew harder and dust danced around my face.

He did not reply, and only stared at me, as if I were death itself. I had followed him adn now he had followed me. But this was not what I had wanted.

I showed you this place. He whispered with a voice so low that it was barely intelligible. I had expected this voice to be new to me, an unfamilar tone to surround me and confirm my fears. But this sound was all too familiar to me, and I had no idea why a strangers voice would havve such an effect. Colours flew in front of my face as I expereinced a vertigo of realisation. Could I be crazy? This could not be so, I could of sworn he had followed me, though something was telling me different.



I had shown her somewhere to be safe, but it had not helped. Her mind was now working backwards. She accused me of stalking her, following her without reason. Had she no memory of me? What about the days, weeks, months, years of our new found togetherness? I did not want to go back to the deeep fathom of loneliness as I had been in once before.

I'm here.

I said to her. She just looked back at me with confusion and mistrust. I didn't want to admit that they had been right. She could not be crazy. Our talks had been meaningful, life changing and she did not remember them? How, with her newly found self could she not remember me who made her that way? Even in thought this sounds arrogant, but I can be arrogant with her. She had made me the gloriously happy man I was now, even with the constant fear of the end as it crawled cloesr and closer. She started to shout adn my mind went numb. She did not remember.

I love you

I said once more as she shotued for help from the stalking stranger she was accusing me of being. As if a gun had been shot, she darted to the floor. Then, with a newfound peace and serenity, she crossed her legs in the field. Faced me and whispered the three words back, with such strongly accented vulnerability and question... I sat down, crossed my legs and faced her once more. As our vision clouded out the loneliness and confusion, we started from square one once again.

.Second Meeting.

I saw you. Esme said, smiling cunningly.
Where? I asked, geniunly curious.
At the market, reciting your...poems. I sighed unwillingly as her eyes lit up with amusement. She was laughing her heart out and I couldn't help but laugh along, when she jumped up onto a nearby rock and started to recite some of my work.
Is that you? She began, struggling to hold back her fits of laughter.
Definetly over dramatised. I commented, laughing along.
Sitting on my windowsil? She mimed the action as my face turned bright red.
As the moonlight devours the darkness
Washing away the ideals of life
My heart has tried to be bulletproof
For too long
So can you sit on my windowsil? She paused for effect.
And shoot
Because I am ready
For the darkness to devour the moonlight
And unveil the ideals of my life. I sighed with relief, recognising the final line of the poem.

It's pretty good. Esme commented, though a smile was still lingering on her face as I helped her jump down from the rock she'd been shouting my poem on.
And I know it's about me so that's a plus. She added, winking at me, mockingly arrogant. I shook my head.
Well how do you know that? I asked her chuckling, curious for her answer.
Because who else? She smiled, dramatising the whole situation again.
Could make you associate death. With love? Smart answer, I thought.
She slid over to me gracefully, her eyes too beautiful, too hypnotising to look away from. Pausing for effect, she waited until she was one hundred percent sure I was aware of how close she was to me.
And who else? She pondered.
Could make you realise, even write about, how you...She tapped my nose.
Are too uptight! She laughed and I stayed silent, and then said.
How do you know me so well Esme? And with all her effort, she placed a serious expression on her face, placed her lips on mine for the first time, and said.
I don't know.








.Esme.

Conor was extremley serious. His face too confusing for me to take in properly at once. I had to meet him again, and I knew I would :).

.Conor.

It had been days since I had last seen Esme. I had only met her once, and only a few words had been exchanged, but there was something about this girl that....Intrigued me. She was so light, free and most of all, so innocent...

.First meeting.

Hello
Hello
Esme.
Conor.
Can you smile?
I can.
Then.. why don't you?
I laughed. I just met you, why are you asking me this?
I made you smile. She said, as if that answered my question.
So I smiled and stared at her. Your strange.
You're happy now. She commented, almost smugly.
I am.
I know. She said, laughing at the simplicity of it.
Can you be serious? I asked her.
I can.
Then why wont you be?
She frowned, insulted by my abruptness. Why do you ask?
I made you serious. I said, smirking as I said it. She forced a straight face on herself, fighting back her ever present smile.
I guess you did. Her voice was not naturally serious but very forced. Like a child trying to be mature in front of their parents.
You're sad now.
I am.
I'm sorry.
I know. She smiled.
And in a gracefullness that could only belong to Esme she walked off, knowing that this wouldn't be the last time we'd meet.



.

Tomorrow
I'll see the light
And watch you save yourself
Tomorrow
You'll see the darkness
And watch me try to save you
Today I'll follow your footsteps
As you walk closer and closer to hell
Today you'll walk closer and closer to your future
In need of walking further and further away from me
Yesterday you told me you loved me
And held my hand as we walked through the fields
Yesterday I gave up on trying to change you
And held your hand as we walked to our death