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Reality had suddenly became way too real for me. I stared up at the lights as they flashed with excitement. My heart pounded but not with love. It was too much to take in at once, the honk of the cars, the flashing of the lights. The loud confusion of shouting voices. Massive buildings reached up to the sky and beyond, never endingly towering. I scared me to see these sights. Everything was so big, too big. It was a place of fun, a place of terrifying vastness. This was the place of fame and wonder I had been told about. Although it was really a place of greed, lust, desire and determination. Every sin I could ever think of had been crammed into this city with such an immense urgency. Too many things were happening at once and my mind couldn't grasp this strange new world. This was uncivilised mania, how could so many people crowd into these small roads. The buildings were large, but the city had more than enough people to cram into them. As I entered the hotel my eyes widened as the hysteria continued. My breaths started to quicken as I saw how many people there were, too many voices.... Why couldn't they be calm? A lot of people were laughing, joking about, but this scared me. There was too many things going on around me and my mind was too confused to take it all in. Why couldn't they be serious? Serious and quiet.... But that brought me back to why I was here. Conor, I needed to see him again. Even if it wasn't in our calm country fields we both loved so much. I'd come to this terrifying, jam packed city for him. I couldn't bear to be another day without him, one week had been my limit. I walked up to a woman in the hotel, "Hi," I smiled "I'm Esme Fieldan, can I have the key to my room please?" The woman smiled her bright false smile right back at me and typed my name into her computer. I sighed, wishing that the hotel were quiet enough to hear the relaxing sound of her fingers tapping the keyboard as Conor did nearly every evening... god I missed him. "Oh," she said, scrunching up her face with confusion "You've not booked a room?" she asked, I told her that my friend had. The word boyfriend seemed to make Conor seem so much less significant than he was. "Well, your names not on the system" It was my turn to be confused. "What's your friends name?"
"Conor Isaac" I told her. She smiled as she stared at the computer screen.
"Your friend wouldn't of booked you in as Esme Isaac would he?" She asked, a hint of amusement graced her voice. I chuckled to myself, he had really mean it.
"He probably would of" I said, laughing at his little joke. She grinned at me, her smile now genuine.
"Well here's your key madam, I hope you have a nice stay. Will your boyfr-.. i mean friend be meeting you tonight?"
"Not tonight, thank you" I told her, picking up my suitcase and walking to the elevator. As I stepped in, a man and a woman swiftly stepped in behind me. The man wore sunglasses, even though it was night time and the middle of winter. The woman wore a slinky silk dress and high stilettos.
"Hello?" The man said, answering his state of the art mobile, the woman looked around nervously, eyeing me up as if I was a threat. "Yes yes darling, I'm there right now.... This new TV show love sorry I have to do it. No no... I told her you were my wife. Darling just trust me, I love you more than anything... yes.... okay. Bye love, love you." he hung up his phone sighing then going over to kiss the woman he was with. They began murmuring to each other, looking at me suspiciously.
"Excuse me?" He asked, obviously aggravated. "I know I know, I'm John Gator." he said, as if it was not questionable whether or not I knew his name. "But if you tell anyone about this, especially if you tell the press...! I'll sue you for every penny you've got." he threatened. I just nodded absent mindedly. I had know idea who this complete arsehole was and now had no intention of ever finding out. He stormed out of the elevator pulling the woman out with him as they reached their floor. The doors closed and I sighed. He was obviously some big movie star that I was supposed to know and worship. I flinched at the thought of his poor wife sitting at home, trying to trust him while she waited for him to come home from one of his many trips away. His mistress was probably just in it for the gifts, the fame if someone found out. But who knew, maybe she'd actually fell in love with this man. If that was the case, I pitied her, for he obviously didn't care about her at all. The elevator beeped, why was everything so loud here? I stepped out and walked down the hall to my room. Finally I opened the door to my room, closed it behind me and jumped onto the bed. Silence, I never had appreciated it properly until now. I jammed two pillows either side of my head and tried to block out the faint traffic that was still audible. I tried to think of a happier place and chuckled myself at the first memory that arrived in my head. Esme Isaac.
"Marriage" I said to him, staring at him questioningly.
"Not a fan of the legal side" he replied, what a surprise.
"Why..?" I asked, genuinely curious.
"Because what's the point?" He said taking my hands, not really asking a question. "We've got all the love we need, why do we need to prove it to anyone? I don't need a piece of paper to tell me I love you Esme."
"Fair point" I said smiling, he kissed me cunningly
"I rather like the idea of the names though" he said, distracting me with the amazing concept of Conor liking something. He looked at my face, scrunched up with confusion.
"What?"
"Esme Isaac," he said hugging me tighter, "seems quite a pretty name doesn't it?" he commented, I could swear he was glowing a little bit.
"Esme Isaac" I repeated with a smile on my face, I tapped his nose "Not bad Mr Isaac". He groaned,
"I'm way too young for that" he said.
"I don't think so, Conor and Esme Isaac"
"It does have a ring to it doesn't it?" he sighed, a hint of a smile growing on his face.
"I like it"
"I love it"

Was it too soon to start reminiscing about our past? It wasn't really the past to be honest, more like three weeks ago but it felt like years. He had said he was staying in New Island for two weeks to see his aunt and I had missed him so much I'd come to this hell hole for the second. His aunt may have been ill, and it was selfish to think like this, but couldn't a phone call be enough? No no, I can't think like that, she was in hospital. But the doctors had said she would most definitely live! NO. It was his aunt, closer to him than his mother. I was so selfish, but I needed him so badly. Just one more night, and in the morning I'll see him. I smiled, wasn't that a beautiful thought?

Good morning, someone said as soon as I opened my eyes. There was Conor, holding a tray with a croissant and some hot chocolate on it (I had never had patience for coffee). He smiled a heart blinding smile, and it was 100% genuine. My heart ripped and mended it self a hundred times as I acknowledged the heart warming glow surrounding him. I'd missed him way too much.