.Conor

Her brown eyes are too soft, her complexion is too flawless. Her lips are too supple, and her heart is too certain. Her hair is too beautiful, her voice is too sweet. Her mind is too innocent and I wish it wasn't. I wish her brown eyes were hard and full of hate. I wish her complexion was ridden with spots and rashes. I wish her lips were cracked and pale as snow. I wish her hair was falling out, pulled and split ended. I wish her voice sounded like cow bells, loud and aggravating. I wish her mind was corrupted, even more than mine. Because maybe then I would feel like I deserved her a little more. Maybe then my mind would not constantly be ridden with guilt and hatred of myself for ruining her life... by loving her. But no, I bet if that were true, she would be even more amazing than she was now. I bet she could still win my heart even then. I would see her rash ridden face and cracked pale lips and fall in love all over again. Only to have the same thoughts as I have now, wishing she were not as perfect, wishing she didn't need me as much as I needed her.